Maki Farted
by N1teKonohamoru
Summary: A Love Live fanfiction that discusses the finer points of life and suggests that we, as human individuals, are always learning to be burning about something that doesn't know what the hamburger is because know I see why Ryo Hazuki eats food when he's hungry because that's what Santa Christ wanted all along.


Maki Farted

A Love Live! Fanfic of Good

After a long day of school and queer neutral idol practice, Nico stretched her legs and yawned.

"Oh, wow! What a fucking good ass work out!" Nico said, sorry she said fuck she's really dyslexic and probably an alien. She is also a lot of things like gay and sometimes a bake sale. Did I say "bake slave?" I think I did. Sorry that's not very neighborly especially to all the people who wash their hands. Nico had worked very hard on her latest idol dance routine that was sure to win Muse the RABU RAIBU competition that nobody took park in, probably because Santa didn't give any Japanese high school girls presents that year. Nobody forgot the Empty Christmas of 1979.

"NANI? Is it really this late? I better get home before my sister commits vehicular manslaughter again!" Nico said as she tried to push down the toilet with her butt because she knew it didn't deserve to exist.

Nico went to her locker in the gym shorts and preceded to remove her shitty work-out clothes and back into her uniform, but stopped because she had a fetish for about to ruin someone's school uniform. Nico got quite the erection from attempting to mess up a nice school uniform and also because her lazy eye made her not see so good anymore. Her father had considered putting Nico down like their pet whale KONO DIO DA, but decided against it because he forgot to make mac and cheese for desert again. Sometimes Nico's little brother would blow his nose on their dad's crusty bush mustache so that made up for everything. After Nico stopped being an indecisive douche bag (sorry I forgot that animals don't know how to read except for William Shakespeare) and got dressed she walked out to go home or maybe the arcade she wasn't sure MAN Nico is fucking dumb as all hell broke loose before the water nation integrated an Asian food diner in the Mall of Georgie. I think this paragraph is too long I'm going to start another one okay? Okay.

"OMG LIKE HAI NICO-CHAN!" Honoka shrieked like a demon while pinching her left nostril.

"Hi, Honoka. Welcome to the end of your career," Nico stated, while trying to hide her hiccups.

"What?" Honoka asked, but then Nico flailed her arms at Honoka's direction, causing her to suddenly wiggle and start trying to strip naked without using her hands because what really happened was that Nico unleashed the demonic forces of Honoka's uniform, which was actually a transgendered cow trying to learn his ABC's and just be a member of this world but because Honoka liked to wear things the cow couldn't do anything but brush his teeth until he broke his electric tooth brush (tranny cow is modern as fuck, yo) after a strongly worded mind game with the world's greatest nibbler, Tom Hanks. As Honoka squirmed and probably Skyrimed on the floor, Nico ran into the hall monitor, Vegeta.

"Nico! No running in the halls!" Vegeta hummed with his toy truck.

"Oh, sorry BEJITA I was just washing my nose," Nico explained.

"There are no such things as noses. Also cupcakes. I think you're lying to me," Vegeta questioned while shacking his fist very meekly because he just couldn't get it right no matter how hard he got.

"Nuh-uh!" Nico said through her noise because she was a talented seiyuu who went to only the best school and was trained exclusive by Ryo Horikawa and Eiji Takemoto but hasn't worked in 6 months and was forced to eat her own socks. THE HORRA!

"Oh, okay," said Vegeta, now 20% less milk. Nico scoffed and spat in Vegeta's face as she kicked him in the balls and walked backwards out the school. Vegeta peed himself later that night.

"Konichiwa, Nico-chan. Genki desu ka?" Maki asked, trying to prepare for her career as one of those Japanese employees in stores who only bend forward slightly god it pisses me off why can't they bend more what are they Jewish?

"MAKI STOP SPEAKING FRENCH AND COME HELP ME ASK YOU A QUESTION!" Nico roared in her best pants.

"Okay, but hurry up Nico I need to p'poo real bad," said Maki, who liked to put the emphasis on the second part of words because she clinched her butt cheeks in order to avoid slurping her soda but Banjo-Kazooie can't get in so now Maki just tries to be normal.

"Right! HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM" Nico pondered. Maki waited for Nico to ask her question while her bowels consumed the raw flesh of dead creatures like Barney and Doug Walker.

"Nickels, please. I have to go real bad and if I don't my mom will make me go to IHOP again," Maki pleaded.

"OMG MAKIM ABDUL JABBERWAKEY plz stfu I'm trying to get emoji to ask me out," Nico yawned.

"Oh, okay. I'll wait then," Maki also yawned because she's a vampire and she has to do the simon says part right or else she won't be able to buy a foot long for $79 dollars at Shake n' Steak.

 _ **FLURRRRRRRRRRRRP**_

Suddenly, Maki unleashed the leash for her dog which translates to a weird erotic form of dubstep. As the gas trails out of Maki's behind, she feels a marble remove itself from her anus and went to its job at the book store.

"Sorry Nico I pooped now I have to go home," Maki said as she walked the wrong direction from Onision's Oil Plant.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT IGOTIT" Nico slurred.

"Nani?" Maki asked.

If cookies eat cookies and crème ice cream, is that cannibalism or rape?" Nico asked.

"How about YOU FUCK." Maki roared, but she forgot her line so she asked the producer to tell her again.

"Wooowah Maki-klun what is you doin?" Nico yelled.

"I'M AN ALIEN" Maki screamed as she forced her hand down Nico's throat and tried to pull out the pickle Nico had for lunch because Maki really wanted it.

[Cut to stock footage of a stopped up toilet in greyscale.]


End file.
